really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
