I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
