o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
