I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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