I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He passed out mid-signature
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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