Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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