thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
