Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
