i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
