I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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