If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
