Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
