im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize