TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
