Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
