Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
