Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She announced her abortion via fbk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
