I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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