OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize