chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
