I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
