We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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