Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
