hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I believe in your delicious
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
