I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
