my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
