I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
