woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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