a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
