plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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