i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
