i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
