If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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