My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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