I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
