He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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