did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
