Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
