I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize