I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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