miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
