Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Someone signed my nipple.
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