Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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