i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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