First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
