What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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