before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
