I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
