Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize