I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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