a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
