I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
