omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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