Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
