some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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