Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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