Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
