In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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