don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
