your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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