I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
