Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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