so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to make out with him forever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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