I will die if light touches me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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