can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
