Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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