Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize