I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
