if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your penis caused this!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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