that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
