similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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