I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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