Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
