he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
