I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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