Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Vodka?
Forever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
