I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need water and some morals
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
