My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize