She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
