so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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