Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
