I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
