we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
