You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
