Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
