why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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