So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
