my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
