Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
