she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
