i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
