I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
