I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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