Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize