If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
